Scott Pilgrim vs. the World


        Understand, dear reader, that picture shows are a new novelty, created primarily in order to sell molasses treats and soda water to those who humbly seek temporary refuge from- thusly- the heat, the cold, the rain, and the Irish. As being such a newly invented curiosity, there is a dire need for the puveyers  to develop and learn a way to teach prospective audiences about the picture, specifically of what to expect from the viewing experience; a type of marketing or advertising I shall now refer to as picture-hucking.
       For if it existed, as this author is in no doubt it soon will, picture-hucksters would ensure that the subject matter would be known ahead of time. For this picture is not, as one might understandably surmise by the title, the tale of a religious traveler seeking pilgrimage to America from Scott-land in Europe. Rather, it is some extremely frivolous trifle concerning a moppish young fop and his quest to bestow a good thrashing on several of the former suitors of some scarlet-coiffed strumpet.
   In the story,  the titular young master Pilgrim hails from the savage and barren lands of our neighbors to the north, 'Canada'. He lives in a small shack, has no apparent line of work, and is a member of a mistril show which lacks any perceivable talent. He has a hearty, healthy celibate relationship with a young oriental, but the plot is thusly complicated as he falls in lust with a young hussy of whom he has nightly visions.
     In order to win the hand of his harlot, he is told he must best seven young men in fisticuffs. The reason is unclear, but I believe it is a complicated methapor, where the seven suitors represent the seven diseases which plague gentlemen in this day and age; dropsy, impetago, vertigo, pox, ricketts, scurvey and the vapors.
    The creator of this picture show would do well to take a lesson in editing from Messrs. Eisenstein and  Lumiere, as the person in charge of piecing together the film in this case either suffers from an unfortunate case of blindness, or was raised in the wilds of Africa by a family of apes. Words, nonsensical diagrams and strange drawings appear on the screen throughout, thoroughly confusing the viewer and drawing undue attention to the fact that it was put together by someone who has never seen a picture-show before.
     Predictably the young pilgrim whines, fusses, gripes and groans his way through the skirmishes, besting scores of far superior pugilists, apparently despite the sheer detriment of his lackluster knickerbockery.
      Throughout his trials he is sure to have learned the power of love or friendship or somesuch other nonsense, but after seeing so many uninspired ruckuses, it inspired me to leave the picture house early to find a tavern and start a brawl of my own with an Irishman.

4 of 5 top hats

1 comment: